Absence

Heyo! 
I disappeared for a while for a personal leave because things weren't really going too well for me. Mentally, I felt like I was worthless and nothing was going to happen for me. Physically, I'm worn out and I'm not doing too good. I've been sick on and off and allergies have done me in so much. I've been waiting for a good time to write this post. It's been sitting in my drafts for about four months and I just decided to rewrite it and inform you on what life has been like for me.
So it's been about ten WHOLE months since I posted. In those ten months I went to Warped Tour, saw 5 Seconds of Summer and One Direction, turned seventeen, started school in a new state with new people, made new friends without replacing my old ones and went to a ton of concerts. Living in Massachusetts leaves me with the great advantage of living right around the corner from a venue called the Palladium in Worcester. Among the last few months I applied at a lot of places and finally got a job at a fast food chain that's well known. I had to ditch my colored hair, which was my favorite aspect of myself. 
Through these ten months I have changed a lot. I'm trying to find who I truly am and trying to mentally build myself up and realize my flaws really don't define me. Meeting Damon Fizzy at Warped Tour really helped me realize that I am appreciated by the people I look up to and I don't want to fail someone by doing anything stupid with my life. Between YouTube and music I don't really know where I would be at this point. I don't think I would be dead but I wouldn't be in a great mental state. It really took so much to build me up where I am right now. Months ago I thought writing this would be super tough but now that I am actually writing it, it's so easy.
Soon I will start making videos on YouTube and I will broadcast myself to the people of the internet without a single second thought.

Much love to anyone who actually takes time to read this
xo Angelica

Life Savers and Life Saving

I feel like at a young age everyone comes to realize that they want to save lives or help someone not hurt anymore. It's an agreeable statement to someone somewhere in this world, I'd hope. Somewhere in the world someones thinking 'I wanna save someones life' or 'Wow, I really want to change someones life in a good way'. You people are good people. For a long time I've always known that I wanted to help people and make people smile when they were sad no matter what the reason was. I've also come to realize that the people that want to save others are usually the people that need to be saved. Whenever someone asks me about some rough times in my life I could flat out tell you that one of my close friends literally saved my life. Without him I probably would've tried to end my life but he took the time out of his night to sit and talk to me and I vented. At the same time I could sit and tell you that My Chemical Romance was a highly influential reason as to why I'm still alive too. I've claimed since about eighth grade now that music has saved my life. Without a doubt it surely has helped in the process of me getting better and learning how to keep life positive but I couldn't necessarily say that music saved my life. Sure, listening to music kept me stable and mentally sane on the roughest days but I can't say that music literally came and ripped the pills or blades out of my hands. For other people it might be different but for me, music was a stabilizer and a soother. The amount of times I've sat myself down, messaged a friend and just talked was the reason this very day I'm here. Sure, I've had some very influential quotes or even videos help me out with not wanting to hurt myself and I am so so so thankful for those readings/watchings. 

To think of it now, so many things have saved me. My family, my friends, music, strangers. Life is such a short thing and I just want to live it while I can and have a positive experience and smile as much as I can before I can't smile anymore. 

I know this was such a short post but I just really needed to get it off my shoulders and speak about it because I never really spoke about it to any of my other friends or even family. Maybe someone else will be able to understand and maybe, just maybe what I've said will help someone out.

“Hey, girls, you're beautiful. Don't look at those stupid magazines with sticklike models. Eat healthy and exercise. That's all. Don't let anyone tell you you're not good enough. You're good enough, you are too good. Love your family with all your heart and listen to it. You are gorgeous, whether you're a size 4 or 14. It doesn't matter what you look like on the outside, as long as you're a good person, as long as you respect others. I know it's been told hundreds of times before, but it's true. Hey, girls, you are beautiful.” 
― Gerard Way

“Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.”
― Gerard Way

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2IQbpGfhekQ